4 replies to this topic

[sporcosporco]

My boyfriend is very dom and its great. This being said, we like to change things every now and then and this has led to my boyfriend saying he wants me to be the Domme and him to be the sub.

I have no clue where to start. I'm ok with the spanking, tying, edging its more on how to meet his request to be emotionally and mentally dominated as well as physically! What would I say?!!?!

We're heavily into anal and he's starting to enjoy receiving as much as he does giving. He's asked me if we could try a double ended dildo together (again something I'm not sure what to do or which to buy!)

Edited by sporcosporco, 02 January 2012 - 03:01 PM.

[Midori]

My boyfriend is very dom and its great. This being said, we like to change things every now and then and this has led to my boyfriend saying he wants me to be the Domme and him to be the sub.

I have no clue where to start. I'm ok with the spanking, tying, edging its more on how to meet his request to be emotionally and mentally dominated as well as physically! What would I say?!!?!

Congratulations! It's so cool that your boyfriend asked you to top him.
Here's my basic advice for new tops

Keep it simple. Don't try to do everything that you/him/both want to do. Pick just one or two things to explore in one encounter and add that to your existing hot sex life. If you try to do too many things all at once, you massively increase the potential for a blah or bad scene. Building both of your confidence in your new-found roles and having fun are your primary objective here.
Example: Blind fold him, tie his wrists and have him sexually pleasure you (in all the ways that the two are you already do). The only difference is that he can't do things to you until you give permission. Think of this as an X-rated 'Simon Says' game.

If you would enjoy books or videos for instructions, let me know and I can give you recommendations.

We're heavily into anal and he's starting to enjoy receiving as much as he does giving. He's asked me if we could try a double ended dildo together (again something I'm not sure what to do or which to buy!)

Typical 'double dildos' are really annoying for us gals as they're not built for our bodies.
But a few are being made with actual bodies and actual sex in mind.
The FeelDoe line is such a product. The short fat end goes inside the woman's vagina. The ridges on the shaft stimulate her clit and the larger/longer end is for the partner (of any gender). It may look long, but remember that part of the shaft ends up along the vulva, between her legs and not in the partner.
Of course don't forget to use plenty of lube!



With this model you'll need to make sure to keep a good tight squeeze on it or keep your legs relatively close. If you find that's just a hassle for you, you might consider a regular type of strap-on. If you want more info on strap on play, let me know, ok?

[sporcosporco]

Thankyou Midori! We're pretty experimental but its the first time he's asked me to be mega domme! Love the idea of sexy simon says and I am sure he wouldn't argue with that!!!

I already own a strap on (Fetish Fantasy Strap on) although I find the thin straps uncomfortable and the dildo (15cm x 3cm) is not the best for him, I feel its not textured enough to have as much impact as the bumby bubbly toy we sometimes use. I want something more sturdier as I feel the straps are JUST fitting my size 16 body! I was wondering if a more pant like strap on would be much more beneficial for me and him! (as I'd fiddle less)




He is wanting us to share play using a double ended dildo (the long bendy one) ! Which is great as I can see him becoming more open about varied sex experiences!

I'd love more information on strap on play, as its something I love doing to him although hes taller than me so I'm not sure what positions we can really do apart doggy.

[Midori]

The reality is that many women find commercial strap-on harnesses uncomfortable or cumbersome to use. They seem to be made to fit some people but not most. Also, you should be able to use a harness with any dildo (with a base flange) that you like. You shouldn't have to be stuck with the one it came with.

Here's a draft of a post I wrote a couple of years ago that I think you'll find very helpful.
I apologize that it doesn't have a diagram with it yet. Soon I'll have an online article out with step-by-step images and I'll post the link to it here.

How to make Midori's Dildo Harness w scarves

I created this totally cool DIY dildo harness design - and I'm often asked on how to make it, so here it is.

I've encountered enough challenges with so many of the commercially made harnesses, and I know many people also have other issues (privacy, finance, etc) - thus the invention.

Features and advantages

• Fits everyone!
• Adjust to position where you want it. (no more pressing on the full bladder or rubbing on the pelvic bone.)
• Sex is messy, what with sweat, cum, lube and more. This is totally easy to wash. After shagging just toss in the washer and dryer. No more leather care. No more hanging on the laundry line.
• Camoflages well if children, room-mates or in-laws are a concern.
• No buckles to stab you. No Velcro to scratch you. No excess straps to adjust and tuck or extenders to add.
• Much better dildo to harness-wearer contact.
• Air-travel friendly. Goes on to carry-on or wear it as a scarf for those cold cabins.
• The bit of excess serves as a "Harder-Now" handle for the sex bottom. Or serves well as lube towels.
• People who grew their own dicks. They can wear this harness over their home-grown cock - so they can have two!
• Full access to the bits between the legs. What ever bits you have.
• Makes one's ass look fabulous! Butt lifting goodness.

Equipment needed for the Midori Scarf Harness:

• 1 favorite dildo with flanged base
• 2 scarves (Suggested length to start with: multiply hip measure x 1.5. Example 40” hip x 1.5 = 60” scarves)

Directions for the Midori Scarf Harness:

• Take Scarf A and make a loose over-hand knot (“That Knot” if spoken in Midori) at it’s midpoint.
• Take Scarf B, place through That Knot, bisecting the Scarf B. Scarf B will now be hanging with two equal length parts.
• Take dildo and insert to That Knot.
• Tighten Scarf A and That Knot firmly around dildo.
• Tie Scarf A snugly and low around the hip. It’s easiest to tie this in front, with the dildo at one’s back and then turn the scarf around. Very important that it be snug.
• Place dildo in desired position on the body.
• Take one end of Scarf B, hanging from the dildo. Move it back between the legs and under the butt cheek, ending near the hip bone. Tie onto Scarf A near hip bone.
• Repeat for remaining end of Scarf B.
• Test for security of whole harness.
• Shag

You can also see it being made and used in this DVD. Midori‘s Expert Guide to Sensual Bondage
I show how to the Midori Dildo Harness with a Hitachi Magic Wand vibe. Just use a dildo (standard or double ended) instead of the Magic Wand for what you want.

Enjoy!

Midori

I'd love more information on strap on play, as its something I love doing to him although hes taller than me so I'm not sure what positions we can really do apart doggy.

For positions and such, try these instructional DVDs. They're sexy too! You just mind find it very 'inspirational' to watch it together

Bend Over Boyfriend DVD


Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men




Midori

[beebop]

I have no clue where to start. I'm ok with the spanking, tying, edging its more on how to meet his request to be emotionally and mentally dominated as well as physically! What would I say?!!?!

Just my two cents on this part. For me, in terms of what I like in a domme (i.e., when I sub), it's all about attitude. You don't have to be a "bitch" or be evil, but you do have to take charge. For me, it works when I feel like she's only in it for herself -- anything I get out of it is just a side effect of what she wants.

So it's not about what you say or what you do, but how you do it. Attitude. During the scene, in that moment, he's there for you to use as you see fit. Again, for me, that's what should guide you -- if that's the attitude you have, the rest should follow. That's why role playing often comes up. If you can put on a persona, the attitude comes with it.

Admittedly, the details do start to depend on what you both want. (Is a good hard spank okay when you want him to shut up? That kind of thing.) So, as always, communication is critical, and take your time. I definitely second Midori's point about taking it one step at a time. Add new things slowly, probably one at a time. You will mess up and have a bad time once and a while. But if you are good at communicating, you can both laugh it off.

Oh, and one last thing. I don't know about others, but for me, topping takes a lot more effort than subbing. Don't try it if you're tired. It always goes better for me if I've got the energy to be properly motivated to top. It's a lot more fun that way...

good luck!