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how to balance both sides


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#1 kiisa

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Posted 27 March 2006 - 02:09 PM

Hey all

So while I am getting better with age, I have had difficulty switching with people in the past.

Frequently if I top someone I don't want to bottom to them or if I have bottomed to them and then I top them it is difficult for me to bottom to them again. AS I said this is changing and I do also know that it can be a direct reflection on the person I am playing with....many times I have had people not want to top me after I have topped them.

The question is, have others experienced anything similar?

How do you deal with it or do you?

Edited by kiisa, 27 March 2006 - 02:10 PM.

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Rock n Roll says, Heres what Im going to do to you. "
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#2 Metis

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Posted 27 March 2006 - 03:23 PM

Hey all

So while I am getting better with age, I have had difficulty switching with people in the past.

Frequently if I top someone I don't want to bottom to them or if I have bottomed to them and then I top them it is difficult for me to bottom to them again. AS I said this is changing and I do also know that it can be a direct reflection on the person I am playing with....many times I have had people not want to top me after I have topped them.

The question is, have others experienced anything similar?

How do you deal with it or do you?


My Top goes into subspace frequently. I think I'm an amature in comparison with how deeply he involves himself in a submissive state.

It's very fluid for us to roll change; but it isn't exactly bottoming. He usually has a direction to his journey (I'd call it topping from the bottom but it doesn't meet that criteria either). He's topping from sub space.

Hard to describe, but as I've always been a switch it seems so natural to both of us that it works.

I used to play with a woman who couldn't even let someone top her after she's seen them bottom elsewhere. Strike that. She couldn't bottom to a male Dom she'd ever seen sub; she had no problem with women. I never understood that...

Switch the other bi.
According to the World Health Organization there are over 100 million sex acts in the world every day. Thats over 69,000 people achieving orgasm this very minute. For food we have sauces and spices to vary our diet; for sex we have toys. The adult industry adds spice to our lives.
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#3 kiisa

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Posted 02 April 2006 - 11:32 PM

very interesting...

I have been turning this issue over in my head for a while now as I have wondered if I can top someone and then go back into a submissive role. I think it would be good for me, or a challenge for me. I love challenges as long as I know can succeed.

I also know that intense switching pushes peoples buttons in public dungeons, I like that as well.

SO how does you top, dominate form sub space that fascinates me...

ps I purchased your avatar today Metis.....

Edited by kiisa, 02 April 2006 - 11:34 PM.

"Pop music says, You can do what you want with me.
Rock n Roll says, Heres what Im going to do to you. "
Joan Jett

#4 dale1965

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Posted 03 April 2006 - 10:49 AM

Hello everyone... I`m fairly new to the scene but  I think each person`s needs & passions in sex  can be as variable as the next person`s. For me I have always been a top but in the last year I have been opening my mind to the idea of being a bottom from time to time. I think in my 20`s & 30`s    I had just grown accustom to the idea that alot of the butches didn`t allow themselves to be touched. Alot of that has to do with the size of the city I was in too. Some larger cities had a wider variety of acceptance for versitility. At 40 I have decided I have a whole world yet to explore & looking at sex like most things in life w/ black & white thinking limits our experiences. Also I think for some the more comfortable we are with our own sexuality the easier it is to try new things. It may also boil down to chemistry  possibly too & issues of trust?  Any thoughts ??  
  But I can see the vunerablity it takes to allow one`s self to be bottomed when they have been a top most or all their lives. Could it be leaving the comfort zone of the known & entering the unknown adds an aura of unlimited pleasure potential with the right persons at the helm ???? ------

#5 Midori

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Posted 04 April 2006 - 09:50 AM

to make things more complicated.. there's the consideration of what sort of top and what sort of bottom you might be...
A simple example... you might be a sadist but light on dominance as a top... but your bottom side might be more of a submissive then a masochist... and that may only be with your play partner X but with your play partner Y you're opposite... unless you're a bit tired then...

it's so variable... and sometimes it's hard to notice where the self is... and that may be indeed the challenge here.

#6 kiisa

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Posted 04 April 2006 - 11:01 AM

to make things more complicated.. there's the consideration of what sort of top and what sort of bottom you might be...
A simple example... you might be a sadist but light on dominance as a top... but your bottom side might be more of a submissive then a masochist... and that may only be with your play partner X but with your play partner Y you're opposite... unless you're a bit tired then...

it's so variable... and sometimes it's hard to notice where the self is... and that may be indeed the challenge here.




I find that the more dominant I am with a partner the less desire I have to allow them to switch with me. I have played with certain people where we switched, but it wasn't D/s. It was SM.

Kiisa my blood top/wild animal/ read completely uncivilized vampyr is dominate 99% of the time, but that part of me responds to prey, um bottoms with a certain energy, just as my sub space is called out by a certain vicious royalty in women

so I think Midori may be onto something...it definitely is about the energy between people
"Pop music says, You can do what you want with me.
Rock n Roll says, Heres what Im going to do to you. "
Joan Jett

#7 Gemini

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Posted 20 October 2007 - 01:30 PM

Midori made a very good point. It's not a diametric thing. Personally, I enjoy very intense masochism, but really don't enjoy playing a submissive role. I enjoy playing a top because I love constructing elaborate psychological scenarios for my partner. I want to paint them an emotional and mental scene as well as a physical one. I really enjoy tying rope bondage as well. I suppose that makes me mostly a top, but I identify as a switch because if I do nothing but top, I feel like something is missing.

Mix sexual orientation into it, and it gets even more complicated. As if gender preference and role preference weren't complex enough already! I know a switch who tops with women and bottoms with men, strictly. It's not so simple for me. It has a lot to do with the personality of my partner. If they're loud and extraverted, I'm a forceful top. If they're cold and reserved, I find myself begging for them to take over. It's very much an individual issue for me.


#8 rvakorchid

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Posted 11 December 2007 - 05:46 PM

I'm having some difficulty deciding what sort of Top I'd be. I'm a female and generally submissive and masochistic. My boyfriend and I like to play the "Master trains his sex slut" scenario, and it's very fulfilling and rewarding for both of us. Recently he's expressed a desire to try bottoming, and because I have topped only once before, I'm not quite sure what sort of scene would work best for switching up the dynamic.

I read in SM101 that Jay Wiseman enjoys 'captive/captor' scenes when he takes a submissive role, and I'm quite drawn to the idea of catching my boyfriend and tying him up and having a go on -him- for once.

Does anyone here have any other ideas, or is anyone in a similar situation?

#9 azzaelle

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Posted 12 June 2011 - 04:36 AM

Always on top, and always dominating, that's my way

#10 Anton Konieczko

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Posted 28 July 2011 - 07:13 PM

Seems different people like different ways, while the most important is that we can enjoy the most. :)

#11 nursekelly

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Posted 07 August 2011 - 11:12 PM

I don't know if I am mellowing with age, but I couldn't see myself on top in my relationship. I had switched some in the past, but now I think I am strictly bottom.

#12 Midori

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Posted 08 August 2011 - 10:33 AM

I don't know if I am mellowing with age, but I couldn't see myself on top in my relationship. I had switched some in the past, but now I think I am strictly bottom.


I bet it's not so much mellowing with age but about greater self awareness....




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